Pregnancy Loss

Well, as you can see by the title this pregnancy is not viable. The results of my hormone levels today were oly 1570 when they should have been closer to 10,000. Now it's just a matter of time until the miscarriage. Life can really be a bitch sometimes. It seems like two miscarraiges already weren't enough for me, the universe has decided that I deserve another and it really pisses me off. Mike and I have done everything right in trying to make this pregnancy work, and still it doesn't.
I think we are both pretty pissy right now, we've been snapping at each other alot this morning and I think we are just both so disappointed it hasn't worked and we still have to wait and get through the actual miscarraige itself.
I feel pissed off that others get pregnant and sail through pregnancy with no troubles at all, and continue to get pregnant over and over and have all the children their heart desires, yet for me - that seems impossible. I told Mike I think it's my punishment for leaving the Mormon church. I often wonder if God would have given me children if I had stayed, but that also seems impossible since I would have never met Mike had I stayed.
It's all a bunch of jumbled up feelings, feelings of anger, sadness, jealousy and failure all rolled up together. Oh yes and getting through the rest of life (like school and work) still has to go on with it's everyday stuff.
This is the part I dread most, telling people. People never know what to say to me, I never know how to respond. They usually say "well at least you got pregnant", which really isn't much of a comfort when it took us two years just to do that!
I hate that people are as disappointed as I am, having to make the call to my grandmother and let her know it didn't work again is just hard. I completely understand why people don't tell anyone, because this part of the process really sucks.
So - I know you are all here reading for our support, I don't feel like talking to anyone right now (it just makes me cry), which is why I havn't picked up the phone for those of you who have called.
We'll get over it in about a week and hopefully we can start trying again soon.

Wow, I knew this blog would be a good outlet for me, it has been and I appreciate all of you reading it!
Becky