The "F" word

FAT....probably not what you were thinking right? 

I've been thinking so much about FAT lately and how it feels to be part of that label. 

Yesterday I took Erik to the mall to visit Mike and since it was his dinner time I set him up at the table (the kind with the swivel chairs that are attached) with the fruit and veggies I had brought for him from home.  It didn't dawn on me that I might not fit in the chair.  I barely fit, I had to STUFF myself in, and sit there while my beautiful son finished his dinner and I tried to hide behind the diaper bag.  I prayed I wouldn't get stuck getting out.  Humiliating.

It really got to me today when a friend of mine, after going to the Dr. about a rash this morning, was made to feel so bad about her weight that she left this simple Dr.'s appointment in tears.  The Dr. gave her the usual "fat" lecture, but this time also felt it necessary to add in a math equation (how many calories make a pound) and the comment "I would really like you to lose some weight in my lifetime".

I was humiliated for her. I blinked back tears for her.  I have lived that.  I've lived Dr's telling me that I would never have a baby because I was fat, that if I did become pregnant I would immediately have gestational diabetes, and continue on to be a diabetic afterward, and that my blood pressure would be sky high through my entire pregnancy and they would have to induce me early. All because of FAT. 

None of those things ever happened.  But Doctors assured me they would, I kept waiting for it, THEY kept waiting for it.  It was humiliating to listen to the lectures about it, with my head down while they made me feel guilty for the hell I was putting my baby through.

Sometimes Dr's suck.

As a FAT girl I would like to raise my hand and say;

• I am not lazy, sitting at home eating Bon Bon's all huge dinners all night, I walk almost everyday, and I cook sensible dinners for myself and my family.  I do enjoy food, and I love to cook.  I am not living on salad, but I am certainly not a professional eater.  Do not assume that you know how I eat.
• Do not look in my shopping cart and then look at me and smile (if you approve of what's in my cart) or shake your head (if you don't).  You don't know that I may be shopping for my family, or I may be at Costco shopping for 30 preschoolers, which requires 6 gallons of milk a week!
• Do not tell me my child will be fat because I am.  My child is exactly the weight he should be.  I feed him only organic, healthy options.
• Do not treat me as invisible, I am here. LOOK at me!  I am not sloppy, I dress nicely, I fix my hair and wear make-up most days.  I am fat, as you are thin, tall, short...whatever!

I don't want to be FAT.  If I could have 3 magic wishes right now they would all include some type of way to make me thin.  I have wanted to be thin everyday of my FAT life (something happened at about 11 and I got fat). I don't need a lecture from a Dr.  Do they really think I'm not aware that I'm fat?  Don't they think I've tried every crappy diet that has ever come along??  I appreciate your concern Dr. and when I come to you with joint pain, or a heart condition that is a result of my weight then your lecture is warranted, but if I just need you to look at my sinus infection, spare me the FAT lecture.....PLEASE!  It only humiliates me more and makes me vow to search Kaiser's website for the fattest Dr I can find and immediately switch to them!

Being a FAT girl I have lived up to all the stereotypes.  I'm the funny one, the outgoing one, the one with the great personality.  It doesn't change that I am FAT and I hate it, but it will not make my life hell.  I will still life my very best life, and the FAT kind of tags along.

To all my FAT friends -

• You are gorgeous, no matter what
• Keep up those winning, funny personalities - you are what makes the world go round (and makes all the skinny girls jealous of something!)
• You will find someone to love you.  I promise.  There are men out there who can look into your heart and not how much you weigh, I've dated them.  I married an amazing one, he is a saint about my weight and he is who I lean on when I'm having bad FAT days.
• Be healthy, that's all that matters.  If you eat healthy, move a little each day, and love people you will have a wonderful life

To those who embrace people no matter if they don't fit the mold - God bless you.  To those who feel that FAT people are lazy and should know how to eat better and be thin...spend a little time with a FAT person, I bet you'd change your mind pretty quickly.