Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Adjustments

They are being made all over this household! By a husband who now has to get up at dark o'clock each morning to help his wife so she can get to work by 7, even though he may not have to work until noon, and he doesn't even complain.
A Nana who is now on baby duty each day with a baby who is not so thrilled at the Mommy working idea.
And me, who while I LOVE working, I never understood how hard it was to leave a child. I think for so many years I've been on the "teacher" side of that situation, peeling crying children from Mom's legs and wondering why parents keep coming back over and over for more kisses - causing the child to say good-bye too many times. I swore I'd never do that. It's so understandable now. It's funny how all the things I've sworn I wouldn't do as a parent are slowly coming true.

Although some of my mother's views are changing as well. We got into it last week about when to start solids as she was giving me the "my babies started solids at 6 weeks.....blah blah" I tried to let her know that things change from generations to generation and in the last 30 years things have changed. She didn't quite get it until I mentioned that it used to be OK to smoke and drink when you were pregnant, and they used to tell you NOT to breastfeed. After that argument she shut up, until she started in a few days ago on something she used to say about my sister when she was watching her little girl and I can remember talking to her on the phone and her complaining that "all your sister does when she comes in is hold that baby." I admit that I too would agree that it was OK for her to let the baby be. I wasn't a working parent then. All I want to do when I come home each night is sit and hold this baby for hours. I could care less if dinner gets made, if the house is clean, I just want to hold him. He fills a void in me that I never even knew needed filling, but it did and now I'm never letting it empty again.
Mom started in on me with that same argument yesterday and I finally thought of a way to explain it that she would understand, when she said "I never held my babies all evening, I got dinner on the table and the house picked up". When I reminded her that she never had to walk away and go to work while someone else watched her babies, that she was able to see them grow and develop and smile at them all day long -- she understood. She never worked until we were all in school and if she did before, it was only a night shift here and there or a weekend when Dad was home to watch - but she didn't get up and leave us everyday when we were infants, that's hard as hell to do each day - but it has to be done.
Erik is struggling to figure out the days when Mom is home and the days when Nana watches him. He won't sleep for Nana, a couple 20 minute naps during the day but he saves it until I get home and then collapses into my arms when I walk in the door and sleeps for hours. Today Mom was frustrated, he was frustrated and needed to sleep so I told her to find something of mine and give him, she gave him my nightgown. She said he hugged it, took a big smell of it and drifted off to sleep for almost 2 hours, when I came home from work he was still asleep hanging on to it. Here's what he looked like.

We had a great Thanksgiving (all those day's off in a row!) which gave me time for some filming! Here's Erik yelling at his toys.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XI9xUe75ecE

1 comment:

Sara said...

What a heartfelt post, Becky. I love how you were able to explain your perspective to your mom. I love the nightgown idea. What a sweet mommy you are.