Two

Erik is now two, I thought for sure he'd be walking. Nope. He really doesn't care about walking. Some days I care, some days I don't. Everyone around me sure has an opinion though!
He's stuck in a weird place where his emotions are definitely two, his vocabulary is about four, and his legs are back at about 9 months.
He's in this new stage where when things don't go his way he immediately tries to bite, doesnt matter if its a table, a person or a toy. We've obviously been saying "Don't bite me!" often because now he yells BITE ME! just before he bites something....so we have to turn away and giggle at that. At least we get a warning now! One of my biggest fears as a preschool teacher was that my kid would be " the biter", thank goodness he doesn't go to daycare! I've started saying "kisses not bites", we'll see how that goes.
He also now answers every question we ask him with a guessing game a la (insert favorite game show host here). Erik, do you have a poop? " it's not a pee pee, it's not an accident, it's not pajamas". Oh look Erik there's a dog! " it's not a cat, it's not a lion, it's not a door". Imagine this is response to EVERYTHING we say. It's time to go to bed. "it's not time to eat, it's not time to play, it's not time for singing songs"........and repeat, all day. So interesting how he is classifying things by what they are NOT. He even does it with people, rotating his favorites. Say good night to Nana. " not to Jaymee, not to Grandma C, not to Papa and Mimi".......just say goodnight all ready!
Between the biting and the classifying it's like living with a Vampire Dr. Suess!
I'm interested to hear what the Dr will say at his 2 year check up when I tell her he STILL isn't walking. I'm sure Erik will let her know,"not running, not jumping, not swimming........"
Took these pictures of him today. In the second one he seems to be thinking about climbing the submarine!!






I'll let you know what the Dr cones up with since she swore he'd be walking by two.




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Horrible Parents 101

Eriks birthday is tomorrow. We are going to rude Thomas the Train....yippee! (yawn!)
Tonight we decided to give him a couple little presents and his favorite dessert. Flan, homemade by me (and Jell-0).
I even thought it would be fun to put candles in it. I KNEW he was too young for candles, should have listened to myself.
Now I have a child who spent the evening chanting, no flan, no birthday!! What was I thinking?
Tomorrow should be great as long as we hid all candles and no one sings Happy Birthday!

Are you kidding me?

This week at Safeway I ran into an alumni parent that I hadn't seen in a while but who is a reader of my blog and she was mentioning her support of my weight loss endeavors and how appalling some people can act. It was fun to chat with her and as I was leaving the aisle ( which had gotten very crowded ) I had to squeeze by several other carts and as another woman was trying to come down the aisle I motioned that I was coming out and said, "one second and I'll be out", her response......."great, and thanks for leaving some food for the rest of us!"
WHAT???
I had to stop and replay what she said in my head...... Did she just? YES SHE DID!!!!
I of course found my friend and told her what happened..... We stalked the aisles together for a while looking for her, but what was I going to say if we found her?
My friend suggested I need a good come back when this happens (since it seems to happen often!)
What would you say? Help me think of something clever, and stinging all at the same time! Come on people, help a fat girl out!
Until I hear from you the perfect line I will retreat to my happy place.

Hermit Crab Homicide

First a shout out to my sister in law Regina for the title!
Erik loves crabs, or "trabs" as he calls them. I was suckered into the Hermit crab kiosk at the mall and bought him a couple last week, 60 bucks including the accessories. New shells, sand and climbing pole, 40 bucks. Hermit Crabs for Dummies 8 bucks.
100 bucks in and we are down one crab already. Looks like an attack.
I think I need to read the book again, obviously the skimming I did the first time wasn't good enough, because I'm still a hermit crab dummy. Thank goodness I have Mom! We are the blind leading the blind.
Nothing as sad as a toddler saying "dood bye Trabbie, dood bye.

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The Plan

Well, I've been working hard to eat what the final life stage is after the


surgery. It feels like a lot of food, and at the same time, man I'm missing

those carbs!

I'm allowed to have one starch at each meal and these are my choices,

1 piece of toasted bread, 1 half of a baked potato or 6 crackers. That's

it. I know, 3 meals a day, it's easy to figure out what goes where.

I'm eating lots of fish and chicken. I'm now drinking 64oz of water a day,

and spending some extra special time in the bathroom.

Here's the whole meal plan, the same EVERY SINGLE DAY. I think this

is why I have failed at every other diet before..I like variety, I also adore carbs. It's not happening anymore.....I'm in
mourning, for pasta, rice and muffins.



For Breakfast you get*You get to add one protein if your a woman over 5'7 (Thank you genes for letting me be tall!!!! - or if you're a man)




2 Proteins - 2oz of meat, eggs, cheese or beans*
1 fruit - fruit is fruit

1 starch - you saw that list above

1 milk - Lots of choice here...NOT! 8oz of milk OR 6oz yogurt

1 fat - butter, oil, mayo, salad dressing, avocado, peanut butter, cream

cheese or sour cream.



For Lunch *Again add for the tall ones and the males, here you can also add 1 more cup of veggies

3 Proteins

2 Vegetables

1 Starch

1 fruit

1 Fat



For Dinner *and again we thank the tall and testosterone genes here for an extra protein and an extra veggie.

3 proteins

2 vegetables

1 starch

1 milk

1 fat



And there you have it folks, the bariatrics diet for the rest of my life.

I can do it, with reminders. I wrote the plan in chalk on my fridge, and

then I took a picture of it with my phone to keep it on me at all times.  It's not the most professional, but it works as a cheat sheet.

 I

wish it was easier to shout DEFLATE! to my body, or stick myself with a pin

and "POP"....but in the end this will make me healthier. If it doesn't I'm

going to be one crabby lady!

Maybe you can try it and see if it works for you!  I'm two weeks in and down 8 pounds, and not starving (well except for pasta, bread.....).
And I apologize for the weird formatting in this post, my laptop is sick, and when I switched to the desktop to edit this, it did this.....I have no idea why (which is probably why my laptop is sick..because I just have no idea why).

23 Months

I wish I could tell you he's walking. Nope...... But he does talk like crazy. Tonight in Office Depot he announced, "I love my penis and balls!". Such a proud parenting moment for me.
Here's a little look at what he's up to lately.

The beginning of the process

     Today I went to the first of many appointments for the Lap Band Procedure.  It was a 5 hour appointment where we were given a BINDER with all the information we need to know before the surgery.  It was a lot of stuff!
     I was not prepared to feel so...loved and accepted.  Seriously, Doctor's and anything related to them are no fun when you're fat. I have been shamed, put down and humiliated over and over again, and I begin to prepare myself for that for each appointment I go to.  I was pleasantly surprised to be told that being overweight is not because I am lazy, or stupid or overeating constantly.  That it is a combination of my life, my mind, my genes, and my childhood (this seems to be the big one for everyone).  It was amazing to be one of the thinnest people in the room, that NEVER happens to me. I felt pretty!  It was nice to be catered to for once, to be treated like a person, not an annoyance.....to be treated like I deserved help from the doctors.  I love Kaiser......really I do, I have always been pleased with them, but today...to treat me (and all the others in the room) with so much dignity and respect, I am thrilled with them.
     I have broken a chair or two in my day (talk about humiliating - nothing worse), and to walk in and see this in a classroom where I always wonder if the folding chair is going to hold me, was refreshing.

Kaiser obviously owns these.......now to be completely inclusive, sprinkling them around all the offices, labs, waiting areas, would be awesome!

Here's the cliff's notes from my orientation today.
What I gain - My health, longer life, ability to do activities I can't now, shopping "off the rack" , increased fertility (we may be too late on the age front for this one, but hey...it's there).
What I have to do/give up.....FOREVER

•      Chew each bite 30 times
• no more drinking ANYTHING with a meal
• No more carbonated drinks (this will be the hardest for me)
• No caffeine - ACK!
• No alcohol (no problem!)
• And none of these foods.....again.
• Bagels, Biscuits, Bread
• Cereal - cold or hot
• Crackers (Saltines and Triscuts OK)
• Doughnuts (Just writing this makes me REALLY want one!)
• English Muffins (I eat one of these everyday for breakfast)
• French Toast
• Grits....ugh - no problem
• Muffins
• Pasta
• Oatmeal
• Pancakes
• Processed Snack Food
• Pastry
• Pita Bread
• Pretzels
• Rice
• Rice Cakes
• Rolls
• Stuffing
• Tortilla's
• Waffles
• Coconut
• Corn / Peas
• Gum
• Nuts/seeds
• Popcorn
• Cakes
• Candy
• Ice Cream
• Cookies
• Spicy Food
• Pizza

So I think that leaves chicken, fish and vegetables....I'll sure be fun to take to a restaurant!
Wow - and I need to start eliminating all these things yesterday.  My dear Mexican food, I will miss you so! Oh and Italian, you too!
I begin the journey today.  I'll never wear a bikini - but hopefully, a pair of jeans with a shirt tucked IN, is in my near future.
God help me.